When Your Parent Remarries Late in Life by Terri P. Smith & James M. Harper

Author:Terri P. Smith & James M. Harper
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Adams Media, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
Published: 2010-08-25T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 7

“Why Didn’t You Ask Before You

Sold My Mom’s China?”

“Your living is determined not so much by what life brings you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.”

—Lewis L. Dunnington

Family inheritance issues, whether a large estate with financial holdings or the family home and a few heirlooms, are never easy. Inheritance squabbles have torn families apart. Children refuse to speak to Mom or Dad, or siblings have nothing to do with one another because Johnny wound up with Dad’s coin collection or Susie received Mom’s china. Drama unfolds before your eyes, and you thought your family was immune to such trivialities. Add a new spouse to the mix, and the drama crescendos.

Life seemed simple while Mom and Dad were either alive or together as a couple. They worked hard to accomplish their dream of owning a home and providing for their needs and desires in retirement years. Perhaps they prepared legal documents to ensure proper handling of their finances after their death. Then the inevitable happened—one of your parents died or they divorced and their hopes and dreams vanished— replaced with different dreams with a new spouse.

Since the wedding, many of the newlyweds’ decisions probably affected your life, such as their place of residence. Their financial decisions and retirement activities may be contrary to your parent’s original decisions. You wonder if Mom or Dad will spend your inheritance on a new house or squander it on a new spouse. Will expenses be covered fairly and equitably, or should they be? What if one spouse has more money than the other one? Will you still be remembered in the will or be cut out completely? Will you still receive the antique vanity you were promised? It would be nice to have some say in their decisions, but ultimately, the decisions belong to your parent and stepparent since it is their residence, their finances, and their personal belongings.

But don’t sit back and do nothing. If they haven’t already spoken with a lawyer, encourage your parent and stepparent to meet with an attorney to put their financial and legal matters in order according to their desires. Legal documents to protect themselves and their interests include prenuptial agreements, wills, powers of attorney, and health care directives. An asset protection attorney can explain the ramifications of marriage to the couple and the importance of each document to protect their individual needs and assets. In an article published in the Elder Law Journal, Joanna Lyn Grama penned, “a wellthought-out marriage supported by legal documentation can allow elders the happiness of a worry-free marriage.”

The conflict arises with our sense of what is right and fair. An important question to ask is: What is most important to you, your relationship with your parent or material possessions? Other questions arise that may not have a definitive answer. For example, if the two enter the marriage with approximately equal estates, is it fair to combine their assets and divide them equally among their children? Possibly.

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